So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
