I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
