I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
