hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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