I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
