As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
