you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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