why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
