Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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