So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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