Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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