After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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