i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
