At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
