She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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