hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
