I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
