My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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