dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
