I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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