she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You pole danced in your parka.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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