Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
