we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
