Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
