Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
handjob tips. give me some.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
