I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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