and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
