my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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