they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
