the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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