last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
