Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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