why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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