Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
