I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
