my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
