There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this boner is exhausting
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
