and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
