mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
