Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my shit smells like andre
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
