I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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