She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
