I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
