My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
