would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
