wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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