You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
