Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
