is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
