She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hippo gnu deer
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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