Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You pole danced in your parka.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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