Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
