u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
