I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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