You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
