My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
