I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
