$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, he came in my armpit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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