i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
