I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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