i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
