that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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