Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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