I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
