You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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