Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
